Ami Says

What haunts me the most about the experience in Kharkiv is not what I saw, but the thought of what I have yet to witness. The fear of myself in such chaos is something that keeps me up at night. It's not the fear of the Russians and their primitive imperial aspirations that drives me to escape to the West, but the fear of what I might become in the face of such violence. Even the sight of suffering dogs triggered an anger within me that I've never felt before, and that terrifies me. It's not th...

In the water it falls. Using a stick I rescue it. Sitting there at the edge with a broken wing I know my effort is worthless. If I move the bird to the other side it won't fall in again. It won't drown. But how will it die? Without a wing it's a matter of time. I leave the bird where it is as I farewell. It looks at me. Relief or hope? I know what I'll see when I return. Exactly as one imagines. A dead bird. And I feel like shit. My eyes darken. Anger engulfs me. Why did I save what I kill...

Every time we think things will be different this time and then we deal with precisely the same nonsense. The only thing that changes is the actors playing the roles, but the story is the same. There may be slight variations here and there. It's not Jerusalem, and it's New York. It's not winter, and it's summer. It's not a daughter but a son. It's not a blonde but a brunette—nevertheless, so much déjà vu. When you're starting your life, and when I say that, I mean in your late teens and early ...

When I think of the history it’s hard to understand how peaceful these quiet streets among these old but up kept buildings are. There’s silence that’s broken once in a while by the hoofs of horses pulling carriages with their cargo of mesmerized tourists. The drivers pointing out quietly one historical building or another. I think of my own sadness which at this point in my life seems to be one of my oldest companions. Never surprising me but still misunderstood. I am content and sad at the sam...

A fucking idiot walks down the inevitable path of stupidity, never learning a fuck all thing. All the wisdom in the world he reads, not realising that it goes in one ear and comes out of his asshole like a silent fart. He falls in love before he is loved and he goes to war before its declaration. Money he chases as he has none and he declares fatherhood without proof. He aches for illusion and takes for granted what's real. Everywhere he sees enemies where there are none and where there are ...

I'm a city person. I could never live in anything with a population less than 500K. It's just the way it is. One jackal crosses my path that's normal, two it's time to slow down. And then a fox. Clearly there's a party going on. I'm always seeing things and not sure what is real and what isn't but as long as it stays in the corner of my eye all is good. When the moon is bright it complicates things as you constantly think there's a car coming when it's not. However, the beauty about the nigh...

Racing through the late night city traffic of buses, cabs, ambulances, cop cars and motorists. Electric bikes and cycling commuters. Into the forest roads of sporadic motorists, cautious jackals and a single track train echoing throughout the mountains. Down into the land of highways and high speed railroads, heavy industry and endless trucks screaming across the land. Highway patrol speeding along, flashing lights. Buses traveling national routes. Commercial jets and military helicopters in th...

I don't understand how people can gather within a cramped building and pray to God. I haven't been to a house of prayer in years and last time I was there I felt like a caged animal. When I'm on the top of some mountain overlooking the land I see creation. I see a promise fulfilled. A land of the living. And whether I want to or not I think of my Creator and the possible outcomes and consequences of it all. And if you're going to be an asshole you're only going to last so long on the road. I c...

Descending a quiet road at good speed I overtake a minivan clearly unsure of its whereabouts. At the bottom of the hill it catches up with me as I'm drinking some water and enjoying the view. Tourists. The teenager runs off to snap pictures and the mother approaches me to ask me if I knew where some archeological site could be found. I point up to the mountain and proceed to explain the map of asphalt and dirt paths. After she thanks me I wonder how come I always know where the weird shit is? ...

It was an unfuckable day. One of those days where the universe seemed to be conspiring against you. All I wanted was to unfuck it, to crawl back into bed and wait for tomorrow. But what kind of man just gives up on a Tuesday afternoon? So instead, I got dressed for a bike ride, though I had a thousand second thoughts about it. Despite my reservations, I pushed forward. The city was alive with its usual hustle and bustle, but strangely enough, the traffic calmed me. Waiting behind cars for the l...

I turn on the news and there's all this talk about riots in East Jerusalem. Right wing extremists fighting with Arabs in the streets of Jerusalem. Arab youth walking up to Orthodox Jews smacking them and uploading the videos to Ticktok. Riot police with nightsticks, shields and water-cannons. Scandalous events. The media having a field day. From where I ride I don't see any of that. I see little Arab kids waving and smiling at me. Yellow Palestinian cabs slowing down while passing me. Israeli ...

CHAPTER 1 I hate the city now. It's dark and gloomy. Not the weather, the people. All the fun and excitement that used to be here is gone. The shops even though open appear closed. The once attractive women are now fat and unkept. The strange people, no longer stand out. The police cars parked randomly no longer make me feel safe like they used to. You see a cop talking to someone, you know they're in trouble for some minor violation of some fake law. Fake law, because it's not ratified, and ...

When I go to sleep at night I think of all the events of that day on the road. The longer the ride the more events. Strangely I don't always remember where I've been and I need to actually think about it. Wait was that today or yesterday? The problems of someone who cycles a lot is the lack of ability to discern in one's mind between rides. But I saw that dead dog...today...not yesterday. Wait, I saw one yesterday and one today. How many sheep did I see today? None today, but a hundred or so y...

Once upon a time. I remember going down a mountain at 30 km/h holding on for dear life, traffic building up behind me until the police patrol called over the speaker that I should pull over to let the traffic pass. How embarrassing. And today I'm going down a mountain at 90 km/h hoping to hit a 100 km/h grinning like a lunatic. I remember flipping everyone off and hitting cars over the slightest violations. Throwing water bottles at offending cabs and buses. I call it amateur anger syndrome...

Η συνειδητοποίηση του τι συμβαίνει με κάνει να θέλω να αυτοκτονήσω. Δεν έχω καμία ελπίδα. Καμία επιθυμία. Είμαι στην άκρη. Πρέπει να δουλέψω αλλά δεν μπορώ. Βλέπω τον γιο μου και είμαι λυπημένος. Σε ποιο κόσμο τον έφερα; Ποιον θα παλέψω για να τον προστατεύσω; Υια να προστατεύσω τη γυναίκα και τα παιδιά μου; Πότε θα δω ξανά την ειρήνη; Κανείς δεν κάνει τίποτα να σταματήσει αυτή την τρέλα αλλά ούτε εγώ. ...

They used to ask where are the good people? I haven't heard that one in a while. Looking around it's not so much the violence and deception that gets to me but the indifference. A head chopped off, rolls down the street and drips blood into a gutter. Nobody seems to notice. As if a rat just ran across the road. A piece of trash in the wind. It's not that nobody notices that it's a head, it's that nobody cares. When I was a child, one would walk down the street and recognize faces. There wasn't ...

The world is dead. Masturbate until your dick is sore. Fuck her until she bleeds. The world is dead. Don't give a fuck about what they say or do. What they think of you matters not. The world is dead. Let others be the nice guys. You, don't give a fuck. You're a criminal the day they decide. The world is dead. Let them have their heroes. Their wimpy, faggot heroes. No titles for me as I crush your skull. The world is dead. Love has gone. Hate is here. That's what they want. Because the wor...

So we're having a ridiculous heatwave again. I'm turning every rock to find water on my bike ride today. Abandoned buildings, closed gas stations, border crossings. I'm mostly successful. I have a good idea of where to find water all over the place. On the route, I'm taking to Jerusalem the only place I know where there's water is in a playground in the city of Modi'in, which is roughly 37 kilometers from Jerusalem. I pull up to the playground and drink about four bottles of water as I appreci...

Saturday afternoon and I'm pacing about. I have no appetite. I can't be bothered to read the weekend paper or watch Netflix. I play with my toddler son a bit but then he goes off to his nap. My older son is having an afternoon of "XBOX and friends". Alone in my restlessness I note that I'm down. Depressed. Fed up. Sick and tired of everything. My perspective has gone to hell. I tell my wife that I need to go for a ride now, not later. I need four hours to figure this out. "Vai com Deus" ("Go w...

Looking for good tires for the rainy days the bike shop mechanic laughs at me in a friendly manner. “Es sind nicht die Reifen, es ist der Radfahrer, der im Regen ausrutscht.” (“It’s not the tires but the cyclist who slips in the rain”). I think about this for a moment and as if a new concept I register its truth and wonder how after all these years of cycling I still blame outside things for personal failures? And my next question to the mechanic who is also a seasoned cyclist who rides all ...

I have lost the joy I once I had. I'm a man of money and without money it's impossible for me to enjoy life. From $35,000 a month down to $10,000 a month is a huge hit. While others would be over the moon to make $10,000 a month I find myself defaulting on payments for the first time since 2012 and I'm angry about it. I went official and started filing taxes as I strongly believed that doing the right thing would bring financial blessing to my life. Ever since not only has what I've kept gone ...

A short recount about traveling to Ukraine during 2021 between Covid-19 and Russian alert. The flight was on time and thanks to Omicron everyone had their own seat which made it feel like more of an executive flight than a commercial flight. The flight being a red-eye flight was pleasant. The lights were turned off so people could sleep and the plane was flying low enough so I could see all the lights of Cyprus, Turkey, and every town and city that I never knew existed as I've never been her...

Got my haircut today. Still long but a bit more civilized. Well maybe not that civilized as it’s still pretty long but I feel good. Nastya is here with me dying her hair orange and cutting it fairly short again. I haven’t ridden my bike for a while. I have a new one that I’ve only ridden once. From the shop home but it was 15 km. Now the weather is warmer 20c but honestly I don’t care what season it is when it comes to cycling. And this is something I’ve come to appreciate about life. That ev...

The problem with tech is that all these startups are founded by tech people with other tech people who are not experts or don't even at least hire an expert in the product or service that they're starting. Fintechs are not founded by bankers and most don't even include or even consult with bankers. In fact they see themselves as fixing everything that is wrong with banking but it baffles me how you're supposed to do that without collaborating with banking experts. One thing about bankers is tha...

Why does the small mindedness of people so frustrate me. I can deal with so much but when stupid people interfere with my life I go into a rage. What I feel in the moment is awful. I could beat the living crap out of them but on retrospect my lashing out at them is not as bad I imagined at the time. In fact I don’t call them even names to their faces but I do insult their stupidity and make it clear that they’re existence bothers me and that they are worthless cunts without actually calling the...

In the past I wanted to share with the world everything. Now I want my privacy. I no longer want others to see, know or think about me. I don't care to be famous or well known. I rather be anonymous. Successful beyond measure and in the shadows. Maybe it's the Swiss in me? Maybe it's because I'm 37? I don't know. All I know is that I no longer want to share with people, with the world. I can share a nice picture, but my thoughts I want to keep to myself. Maybe a base description or a neutral w...

Music is an interesting thing. It's all so damn loud and annoying. I don't understand how people can work with it or heck go to sleep with it. It never sounds right, well, except for Classical, Jazz, Bachata and maybe some Bossa Nova. But once I'm on my bike all that pretentious crap becomes irrelevant. The battle commences between the Spotify playlists of power metal, speed metal, psychedelic trance and anything that will have me smashing through invisible walls with my bike. The bass, the sp...

Sexuality that force the world's trying to make you feel bad about. Especially if you're a man. Too much of it and you're a pervert or a sexual predator in the making. Everything's taboo and yet we're more twisted sexually than ever before. Call good bad and then there won't be a difference between the two. Making love on the beach as the sun sets becomes the same as a date rape in a city apartment. All the beauty of it all gone into the abyss of morality and ethics. The beauty of a woman's br...

If I were honest I'd say I live in a world of cowards who are terrified of everything when the only danger is the continuous attempts by governments to strip us of our freedoms under the guise of protecting us. As long as we fear we'll never be free. As long as I live in this world I may never be free. Is it about a fight? A rebellion? A mutany? I feel like people fighting each other isn't the solution because the problem is the system in place. A system that fears what will be of it when it'...

Today I woke up and felt somewhat rejuvenated. I had a great breakfast with my woman and got ready for my bike ride. I had a weird feeling as I headed down the stairs to my building's basement and saw the door unlocked. I proceeded down the narrow basement stairs and saw the aftermath of someone working violently on breaking into my basement compartment, and I looked inside. No bike. I wanted to be angry, upset, and shocked, but my first reaction was, "At least I have insurance." I went out to...