Confronting Life's Shadows

What is it that you fear? The dark? Bills? Your spouse? Your boss? The law? The taxman? Dogs? Spiders?

I feared sharks for the longest time until I lived in Cape Town, where great whites roamed the beaches. Once they became real, I no longer worried about them as much. To say I no longer feared them would be an exaggeration, because my logic is based on survival chances in an encounter. While a bear, a pack of wolves, or a wild boar I could outrun, outsmart, or perhaps even fight and survive, fighting a shark in the ocean is beyond challenging. "Punch its nose," they say; have you tried punching anything underwater? "Swim away slowly," they say. Well, OK—doing anything slowly has a low success rate.

When I wasn't fit in cycling and was slow as hell up mountains, I thought to myself, "Crap, if something starts chasing me, I have no chance." As I got fit and realised I was now strong and could outrun any beast, even uphill, that concern disappeared. It's funny, though, that when I take a break and lose my fitness, that fear creeps back, especially when I'm cycling in the dark on quiet forest trails. But I’ve met wild boars, wolves, hyenas, and even had a close encounter with a wild boar, which ran into the forest faster than I could turn around. Perhaps an encounter with a shark would be similar, though again I’m comparing an apex predator to forest animals. If I’d encountered a bear or a tiger and had the same result, then I could make that conclusion.

But forget about these fears—most people fear much smaller things: mice, spiders, and birds. Years ago, I read that the number one human fear is worms. Yes, worms, parasites, inside our bodies. It makes total sense to me—the fear that something is living inside you, feeding on you from the inside. But it’s also the ultimate loss of control. You can try to escape an external fear, but how do you escape something inside of you?

So, perhaps fear is about loss of control. When I'm stressed out in life, I don't like elevators or aeroplanes. It’s not that I think something bad will happen, but both experiences require giving up full control to something else. And when I’m stressed, the little control I have I don’t want to give up.

Am I saying that people who are more calm have fewer fears, in that order? Meaning, if you're calm, you'll be less afraid, rather than being calm because you are not afraid. It seems to make sense, doesn't it? Think of calm people you've met—they don’t seem to worry about anything, don’t seem to fear anything. Meanwhile, high-stress people worry about everything and are scared of everything. So, fear is stress. And the cure to fear isn’t confronting it, though that often works when it's a legitimate fear, like my fear of sharks, or people with a fear of heights or dogs.

But if the fear is caused by stress, then no amount of encounters will make a difference. I've met wild boars and know they're not as scary as you’d think, yet when I’m highly stressed, I dread an encounter with a wild boar—even though I know it’s unlikely, and if I do see one, it will run into the woods. So, my fear isn’t because of the boar but because of stress, projected onto something tangible.

A calm and good heart is not afraid. Calm, we understand, but good? When you’re constantly scheming and wandering down dark paths in your mind, you also become afraid, even though nobody knows your thoughts. So, external fear—again with the exception of fear based on an event like being attacked by a dog as a child, where healing is needed—comes from an internal instability of thought and emotion. A lack of sleep or too much caffeine can also mess with your fears, affecting your internal balance.

So when that mouse freaks you out, ask yourself, “Am I afraid of the mouse, or is something in my life bothering me right now?” If nothing’s bothering you, then run around screaming as you search for a high surface to jump on. If something is bothering you, figure it out. The moment you start, you’ll feel the fear lessen.

References

Stress and Fear Connection:

American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress and Anxiety: Causes and Effects. APA.
Campbell, A., & Scott, K. (2021). The Psychology of Fear: How Stress Affects the Perception of Threat. Journal of Behavioural Science, 15(4), 235-245.

Common Phobias and Fears:

National Institute of Mental Health. (2022). Understanding Specific Phobias. NIMH.
Seligman, M. E. (1971). Phobias and Preparedness: Fear of Spiders, Snakes, and the Dark. Psychological Review, 78(3), 307-321.

Physical Control and Phobias:

Taylor, S. (1999). Anxiety Sensitivity and the Role of Perceived Control in Fear. Clinical Psychology Review, 19(3), 251-271.

Human Response to Wild Animal Encounters:

Geist, V. (2018). Human Behaviour in the Face of Wild Animal Threats: Evolutionary Perspectives. Human Behavioural Evolution Review, 24(6), 412-423.
International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN). (2020). Animal Encounters and Safety Tips. IUCN.