Between Hope and Despair

Sadness is a common state that gets misdefined as depression. Depression is beyond the state of feeling; it's a state of no desires, no kindled fire. It all takes on one color of black or, perhaps with luck, dark grey. But sadness is a world of feeling. It's a state of tears, a state of hope, and of not giving up, not yet. It's a state of belief, belief that good things do exist and will be experienced soon again, if for but a moment.

It's a disappointment based on expectations—not unrealistic expectations, not demanding expectations—but what seem truly to be realistic, basic expectations. A more good world, a world with more humanity, a world of less pain and fear. Once this belief or even hope is given up, then all there is, is depression.

So sadness is a flame, perhaps a barely visible one, just like with burning coal. But mostly, it's more than that—a fireplace, yes, a fire in a fireplace at the end of the evening when the wood is already white, but when you blow on it, the beautiful red glows. That's sadness: power, strength, a testament that better is to be experienced and that the better will come. Perhaps in a moment, perhaps in a day, in a few days—but not in months or years, for that again transforms into depression.

When one doesn't accept the situation of life, there is much anger. But when one does take it and wishes for something better, something different—that's sadness. Understanding that most people don't care about each other, that's sadness. Understanding that kids don't truly love their parents or that parents don't truly love their kids—that's again sadness.

That Mother's Day is a farce to distract from how most of our issues stem from our mothers, is again sad. That men are bad and women are victims is again sad, even if not true. That government and politicians are inherently corrupt is also sad. It's only depressing once you give up, once you accept that it will always be this way and never change.

But when you still feel that it can be different, that it can be good, even only next Tuesday, then you're back to sadness. That there's no depth to relationships is sad when you still believe that there can be depth sometimes, or with certain people, for a moment or two. But it's depression when you accept that depth is gone and will never be experienced.

Sadness is getting old but still living, and depression is heading for the grave. Sadness is playing with your kid, understanding that you won't always be this close. But depression is knowing that you definitely won't be close. Sadness is going to war believing it will end, but when you no longer believe in the end of the war, it's only depression.