Embracing Aloneness

The more we look for friendships, the lonelier we are. The more we look for family, the lonelier we are. The more we look for success and money, the lonelier we are. These feelings of loneliness that we so define and dread, questioning as part of our inefficiency or lack of value, are only such because of our definition of them.

A life without being drained by "friends" and "family" is a better life in every sense. Not having to suffer relatives and their drama, not having to bail out friends from their problems—connections, human connections, non-binding interactions in the journey of life to help each other reach our destinations, whatever they may be, these have value.

One can live this life as a lone wolf and do well, and one can find another wolf and walk the path together. That is perhaps the one beneficial relationship when it’s void of toxicity and passive-aggressive manipulation. For certainly, it’s better to walk the path alone than to be held back by such a relationship.

But this fear of loneliness is the source of much pain and suffering in this world, and the cure is not to escape loneliness but to accept aloneness as part of life and make room for those who genuinely care about you. Everyone else should be kept at a great distance, as far as a plague in Africa—never allowed into your life or home, regardless of whether they are blood-related or not. For they will keep you from your dreams, your joy, and from yourself.

Surely this means there will be very few people in your life. Yes, indeed, and that is a great thing. For the less, the more. The less toxicity, the more goodness. The less babbling, the more peace. The fewer things to worry about, the more calm.

Fortunately, with age, these changes come by themselves, as patience for others and their nonsense wears off, and a desire for self-care grows stronger. Success and happiness don’t come from many relationships but from a few respectful ones.