March 16, 2023•511 words
$200,000. That's my credit card limit—$ 200,000 per month. Is it really, is this wishful thinking? I don't know, but the drop-down menu in my account gives me the option. So my bank thinks I can ask for it. But do I think I can ask for it? Why am I scared to choose that option? What will happen? The worst case bank says "no"; best case, I'll have another way to indebt myself into oblivion. But maybe I fear they'll shut down my bank account because I dared to dare. Or is what bothers me that someone in my bank will shake their head and go, "there he goes, asking for a $200K limit...what is he thinking?" Ah, the fear of the invisible judgemental man (or woman), the destroyer of dreams and the pursuit of them. The fear of being better than our parents and grandparents, our friends, neighbors, and that weirdo walking by us down the street.
What are you thinking when you're talking about such numbers? Dreaming about such high salaries. How many dreamers starve themselves to death? But are you a dreamer when you have such options before you? Are you a dreamer when you pursue those crazy dreams? Are you ungrateful to want more? Annoying as hell that you are, no doubt. Rocking that boat too much. Why can't you be OK with what everyone else has? A miserable marriage, bratty kids, a sub-standard car, a smelly dog that barks too much and too often, and a job that has you hating Mondays. Why can't you hate Mondays? Why can't you let it go?
And then someone will tell you, well, you can't have it all. Pick ONE thing that's important to you. And then you're proud that at least your dog doesn't piss on your kitchen door while everything else sucks. Or that your husband drinks too much but at least doesn't beat you. That your kids call you even if it's only when they need money. And you're grateful for this toxicity because you're afraid to think big. After all, reasonable people should be happy with little; greed is awful. That's why the poor steal because of their endless inexcusable greed. And not because their world is too small with too few opportunities. And not because they're too much in the struggle to allow themselves the luxury to dream.
Be greedy. Be loyal only to yourself. Dream big. Pursue them like time is running out because time is running out. Accept the resentment, the eye-rolling. Leave behind whoever doesn't want to follow. Don't be afraid to be the crazy one. Because if being sane means 80 years of settling for every rubbish that comes your way, then please, please embrace the insanity. Be willing to fight windmills and mermaids and whatever you see in your way, be the idiot and the fool because at the end, you will be right up there, and everyone else will finally shut up. And that peace and quiet, oh man, that peace and quiet is where it's at.